Какая есть..
Можно ли вылить душу за 20 минут монолога? Можно...
Эту запись пойму до конца лишь я и _ты_. Но так это и задумывалось. Вот оно, мгновение, когда этот дневник перестает быть маской Марии. Сейчас пишет та, другая. Почему здесь? не знаю.
I am sorry. You are right, to be neglected is far much worse, than to be rejected. I have no words, I have no right to apologize. I don't now _how_ to do it, as it's impossible to redo smth like that. It was some kind of storm, that took me in and I simply followed it. It gave me strength, it gave me smile, it gave me friends. Storm, that was taking me in so slowly and intense at the same time. One day I realized that I was bound and there was no escape from there. And I had no wish to escape. But I was slipping away from you. And that was scary. Probably that was the reason why I gave you that url: to share, to show you some part of me, smth that I _want_ to share but don't know where to start. Oh, yes, that cliche phrase about "start from the beginning" is right, but I don't know when it started, when was that day that I felt at home here. No, fanfiction is not a home I am talking about. People are. *g* No need to feel jealous. I think so. *eg* I was really sceptical while joining in. I was quite seriously biased about whole Russian fandom at first. Bunch of screaming girls didn't impress me at all. But I stayed out of curiosity. No one can even guess how glad I am that I stayed. Do you know that I couldn't type quickly in Russian before that? Yep, I really couldn't. *g* Why I am writing all that? Because now I don't want to neglect you. I do have problems with communication. I still don't know how to change that. They say that any relationship is hard work. I guess I'll have to start working. Miss you, need you, care for you.
Gods, most of my life is "controlled" by Net. The modern world. The world I cannot life without, the world that for the second time in my life gave me life, happiness, new meaning.
Эту запись пойму до конца лишь я и _ты_. Но так это и задумывалось. Вот оно, мгновение, когда этот дневник перестает быть маской Марии. Сейчас пишет та, другая. Почему здесь? не знаю.
I am sorry. You are right, to be neglected is far much worse, than to be rejected. I have no words, I have no right to apologize. I don't now _how_ to do it, as it's impossible to redo smth like that. It was some kind of storm, that took me in and I simply followed it. It gave me strength, it gave me smile, it gave me friends. Storm, that was taking me in so slowly and intense at the same time. One day I realized that I was bound and there was no escape from there. And I had no wish to escape. But I was slipping away from you. And that was scary. Probably that was the reason why I gave you that url: to share, to show you some part of me, smth that I _want_ to share but don't know where to start. Oh, yes, that cliche phrase about "start from the beginning" is right, but I don't know when it started, when was that day that I felt at home here. No, fanfiction is not a home I am talking about. People are. *g* No need to feel jealous. I think so. *eg* I was really sceptical while joining in. I was quite seriously biased about whole Russian fandom at first. Bunch of screaming girls didn't impress me at all. But I stayed out of curiosity. No one can even guess how glad I am that I stayed. Do you know that I couldn't type quickly in Russian before that? Yep, I really couldn't. *g* Why I am writing all that? Because now I don't want to neglect you. I do have problems with communication. I still don't know how to change that. They say that any relationship is hard work. I guess I'll have to start working. Miss you, need you, care for you.
Gods, most of my life is "controlled" by Net. The modern world. The world I cannot life without, the world that for the second time in my life gave me life, happiness, new meaning.